u s e y o u r h a n d s

It’s funny how we ritualize insignificant aspects of life. I’m pretty sure everybody does this, from always dressing in the exact same order to having a favorite brand of pen (Precise Roller Ball Peacock Blue). David Lynch and I both have food moods. The Purveyor of Weird only eats a chopped salad for lunch, with all parts of the salad the same size. I, too, have a fondness for the salad. Like many people on a diet, I’ve forced myself to get emotionally involved with not only the eating but also with the making of my daily lunch.

The United cafeteria, I’ve mentioned, is ridiculously cheap and fairly savory but I’m rarely tempted by anything but the lackluster salad bar. After a quick skim at the soup of the day, I invariably head to the salad bar, grabbing a large plastic to go box. Why plastic? Because if you use a plate, the weight of the plate gets factored in to how much your salad costs. Why nobody has caught on to this, I’m not quite sure. Anyway. There’s always a choice of several greens: Iceberg, romaine, and either spinach or field greens. Now, this is bizarre. I often see people bypass the nutritional dark greens and dive into the iceberg. Iceberg! That’s just eating water in a cellulose shell. There’s no benefit to it. Gross. I load up on the dark greens, bypass the neighboring trays of COOKED broccoli forets and hard boiled eggs for the cherry tomato dish. I eyeball my tomato of choice and tuck it into a corner of the container. Then, I spoon half a scoop of sunflower seeds over the top. I would rather die than eat those crunchy, krinkly bits, and frankly, get very angry when a krinkly bit or two find their way into the sunflower bin.

Then, I swoop over to the other side of the bar for toppings! I heartily dump two large scoops of chickpeas on the top of the salad. Now, kidney beans are NO substitution for chickpeas. Putting kidney beans in place of chickpeas is highly offensive. They should just destroy dishes after kidneys have been there, they so sully all. I like kidneys in soup, though, so go figure. The chefs at United also have this tray of scallop-edged pieces of cheese about the size of a dollar bill folded in thirds. I select three pieces of cheese, two cheddar and one white, which is, ostensibly, mozzarella.

I return to the greens/broccoli/dressing side of the bar to ladle on some dressing. United has the best balsamic dressing ever. It’s flavorful, not dominated by oil. I limit myself to a scant tablespoon of this wonderful goodness. I grab a large diet pepsi and WOW! Nacho Cheese chips and head to the checkout.

You can’t spear balsamicy field greens along with chickpeas. Well, you can, but not that often and always with concerted hunting and pecking. Mostly, I eat the greens first, then get to the balsamicy chick peas coated in sunflower seeds. Such a reward. I finish my soda and continue reading. I may eat the Wow! chips outside, or I may wait to savor them below deck, in my cold, dark corner.

And that is lunch.

Watching: We’ve just finished the third season of The Sopranos. I have no idea how long we’re forced to wait for the next season.

Exercising: I cardio’d it at the Mount Prospect Bally Total Fitness this morning. I’ve darkened the door of eight Bally gyms in three different states.

Going: Tonight, we’re going to the do at the Field Museum. $10 tickets you have to buy through Ticketmaster, which slaps $3 in assorted fees on top of the ticket price. The Field gets some of that as a kickback. Why didn’t they just charge more? Whatever. The ticket comes with two free drink tickets, so it’s basically free. Just wish it weren’t the same day as the Art Institute AfterHours.