Up, Up and Away
I chose this title to allude to my air adventure later today, but what it really made me think of was the song “Up, Up, and Away.” As a severe sufferer of what is termed “pee-shyness,” I used to sing this song to myself in potties across the land. Like porn, I had to retire that song, hoping it will be used later with greater effectiveness.
Anyhoo, Missed Connections! As always, these MCs are taken from the Chicago Reader. The stories growing out from or beyond the MC appears in blockquotes. Enjoy, suckaz.
YOUR AD #46303 appeared May, 2002. You stated in your ad that you resemble Juliette Binoche. What caught my eye though is the fact that we both like the movie North by Northwest.
Wait, back the fucking train up, buddy. People like North by Northwest? No fucking shit, man. It’s, like, a fucking classic. When I was just renting movies to assholes like you and penning my brilliant screenplays for movies such as “True Romance” and “Pulp Fiction,” never once did anybody come in and ask for…what did you say it was called? North by Northwest? Jesus. It’s only a fucking classic. Wow, guy. You must be some genius for recognizing the brilliance of Alfred fucking Hitchcock.
SNEAKER PIMPS. I was there with two friends, you were there with your boyfriend. You saw me. I couldn’t take my eyes off you all night. Would love to talk to you.
There’s something very Red Bull-with-Vodka about trying to pick up a person with a boyfriend at a trip hop show, but Andrew really wanted to go talk to the girl with the tousled black hair. During “6 Underground,” her boyfriend walked away from her, and he nearly made his move, but sort of felt like an asshole. It’s way too sleazy and way too obvious.
THANKSGIVING EVENING, BUTCH McGuire’s. You: U of C doctorate student. Me: friend of woman with unfortunate shoe incident. Regretting not asking for your number.
Oh, shit. I remember this girl. Me and a couple of my friends were talking to her and her cute friend. We bought a round and then they offered to buy a round. The friend went to the bar to collect the drinks, and on her way back, the heel of these ridiculous stiletto boots she was wearing caught in a crack in the floor and she totally ate it. She fell down and her tray of drinks, which sort of hovered in mid-air for a moment, crashed down on her back. Man, that was funny.
Worrying: About flying. My throat, additionally, hurts. Oh, I have to get my car smogged.
Packing: Everything.
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