u s e y o u r h a n d s

Each year on my birthday, I think about writing a letter to myself and reading it on my next birthday. I never do this. Sometimes I compose the letter in my head, but I never do it. On my birthdays, I get me a pecan pie from Costco and eat it all over the course of a week. As they are a foot and a half in diameter, this is no small feat. This is how I have marked my birth for the past few years.

And today, I celebrate another milestone – the 100th entry on my webbity. This accomplishment does not merit pie, but perhaps some late afternoon animal crackers. At Use Your Hands HQ, the decision’s come down that I should write a letter to myself, only to be read again when entry #200 rolls around. So, here goes:

Dear Shylo, Use Your Hands Webbitrix:

Over the past 100 entries and several months, I feel that you’ve done a pretty good job. Good, not great. Hey there, put that X-acto knife down. Before we consider how you can improve your web concern, we should evaluate why you chose to do this in the first place. Mostly, I assume, out of sheer need for feedback, for attention, for focus.

People like your webbity and tell you so. They link to it. That tickles you. Thousands of people have come to look at it, and the total goes up every month. How astounding. More people look at your webbity than can fit in your apartment at any given time. Because people like looking at your web concern, you find the time and inspiration to write something on it almost every day. This is funny because you can’t seem to get back into those two 25-page stories you’ve been working on for fucking ever.

Now that we’ve examined why you write the webbity, let’s talk about where you’ve really done yourself proud.

You’ve stayed away from current events. Other people do it better and you’re not as informed as you’d like to be in order to speak authoritatively. Leave the war be. The War Show’s on everybody’s minds anyway, they don’t need your $0.02. Same goes for abortion, tax relief, tort reform, socialized medicine. Yeah, I know what you think, but let’s just keep that between us.

You’ve kept your cards close to the table, if you know what I mean. Sometimes when you read a ‘blog, it’s all about exposing the super-super personal. And that’s fine, but not for you. You mistrust everyone, especially total strangers. And your sad stories shouldn’t be in the forefront of your brain at all times. What you’ve got to do, baby, is take a deep breath and let the shit go, not publish it. The funny stories, sure. Sad stories you can make all funny-like, sure. But not the heartache. Not the woe.

You’ve done good shit. I’m proud that you put time and effort into your webbity. I know how hard you work on each entry. Sometimes you don’t edit them as much as you should (shame!) but the meaning’s there. It’s obvious you try. The fiction bits – I know you were wary about that – but I think it’s shaping up pretty good. You agonize over public reaction to what you put up there. Adding the comment field made you suck in your breath and you’ve yet to let it out. Breathe, kittykat.

But there are areas for improvement. I know you know that. I’m not going to get all brutal on you, because wow you do that fine on your own. These are a couple of loving suggestions, issues I see that I hope you’ve rectified.

You are careless. I just mentioned the editing thing, but sometimes, it seems that you put up stuff on the webbity not fully formed. Slow down and put in the effort. You have never worked hard at anything in your life and that’s beginning to catch up, isn’t it? Well, let’s put that nose to the grindstone and try a little harder. Length, depth.

You do this thing where you’ll allude to something, but not fully explain it, and the people get all lost. I don’t know how to remedy this, but maybe you could either stick your neck out and give some details or just drop it altogether. It’s a fine line you’re walking.

Thus ends my critique of your webbity. In the end, it doesn’t matter what I think, it matters what you think. I hope your webbity grows and takes on more shape, more light in the coming year. Remember that it is good, that you are good.