u s e y o u r h a n d s

Hey, hey, hey! It’s Friday. You know, reading MCs here at good ol’ Use Your Hands is a great way to top off another great week! With no further ado, campers, take a gander at these select Missed Connection/Second Chance/I Saw You ads from around the country, with my story below.

BEAUTY AND GRACE – Wish To Talk At Wollaston T stop, we both like the last car. We meet around 8:35. You, beautiful well dressed redheaded lady with glorious blue eyes. I’m tall dark hair guy in green North Face jacket. Our eyes meet all the time. To shy to date to introduce myself. Would like to start conversion on the daily commute. (Boston Globe)

Today, Bryan sits forlornly in his North Face jacket. He sips his coffee loudly and frowns like a little boy. At the Wollaston Stop, he tries to forget about her. She must have started taking the train at a different time to avoid him because he hasn’t seen her since the ad. The train pulls away from the stop and he watches Wollaston grow smaller as it slips rapidly from his fingers. Someone sits down next to him and elbows him in the ribs. “I’ve been on vacation,” she says and smiles.

WE WERE BOTH at Radio Shack in Downers Grove/ Westmont on May 12th. You were purchasing a metal detector. Your name is David. I wanted to talk to you but didn’t know what to say. Hope you respond. (Chicago Reader)

“I hope nobody thinks this is some gay thing,” Gary muttered when he hung up the phone after placing the ad. He simply wanted to ask about David’s hobby. For some time, he had been interested in metal detection as well, but he was reluctant to approach enthusiasts on the Lakeshore. If he doesn’t hear from David, he’ll just go to the library to look it up on the Internet.

AMTRAK 4/19 BAKERSFIELD to Fresno. Car 3 upstairs, across aisle. You: male, tank top, CD player, came downstairs when I got off at Fresno. Me: male, sunglasses, black travel bag. Would like to meet. Please describe yours and seatmate’s appearances to verify identity. (OC Weekly)

The suspicious-looking man had been shooting him sidelong glances ever since Pixley, but he knew that the worst thing that you could do while traveling Amtrak (or Greyhound) was to engage a stranger in a conversation. He exercised his peripheral vision to examine the man. The suspicious man was clutching his black bag fiercely and sort of looked Middle Eastern. After the guy got off in Fresno, the man took out his cell and reported the suspicious man to the FBI.

TMBG/CROC TUES. 5/6 U: Hot Cha man shaved bald, t-shirt, whistling in the dark. ME: Particle Man freakstorm w/ short hair, goatee, glasses. If I wasn’t shy, I’d be your evil twin. C’mon and wreck my car. (The Stranger)

If he had the money, this ad would have been way, way longer, but Burt stopped with this witty bit. Burt would have added:

I love this band. A lot, to tell the truth. I have an obsession. I have been lonely for a long time, and I’d like to find someone to share this obsession with. I just want to be able to talk with someone about this band, this band I love, and have them understand. Please write me back. I can love you and we can love this band.