u s e y o u r h a n d s

Ebay is such a pain in the ass. Can’t Vestron Video just release all 13 Rainbow Brite cartoons on DVD? Or MTV release The State on DVD? Jesus, people! Together, we can make it happen. And by “it” I mean my happiness. And by “by happiness” I mean freedom.

6/28 BUFFALO BILLIARDS. You: thick and beautiful. Me: in heaven in your presence. Would love to finish the dance. (Austin Chronicle)

This description of his dance partner occurred to him as soon as they began dancing. Jill wasn’t thin by any means, but her body felt firm under his hand. Out of nowhere, he began to refer to her as a “fine canned gravy.” However, he was smart enough to keep this to himself.

TO THE CUTE waitress who spilled wine on me at the FiNE LiNE. I think you were on a trial shift, and you had and American accent. I don’t see you there anymore. Perhaps we could meet for sushi next time? (CraigsList.com, London)

Keith was a bastard. He’d get his way however he could and everyone hated him for it. Though he was incredibly successful, he believed this waitress owed him for the dry cleaning of his Brioni coat. The restaurant refused to pay, and to get even, he called his friend in the health inspector’s office. The place was shuttered for a week.

MCA TUESDAY JULY 15. You: beautiful woman with short dark hair, green top. Me: tall, slender guy, red top and blue jeans. We kept crossing paths, but everything I thought of saying became too “art museum cliche” in my mind. Hope you see this and respond. (Chicago Reader)

Rubber soled shoes make little noise and are perfect for following. Her shoes were kitten-heeled cerise numbers and they clicked all through the museum. Phillip wondered if they were tapping out a message just for him, and if they were, why didn’t he know Morse code?

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON Continental Ft. Lauderdale to Newark. I am not sure why I didn’t just go up to you and talk. I guess I am pretty shy. I loved your smile. I’ll be in NJ until Monday and then I’ll be back in Ft. Lauderdale. I hope to hear from you. Maybe you will be on my return flight Monday. It was the Thursday night flight that left around 6pm (CraigsList.com, Miami)

Men always approached Christine and she had grown very weary of the invitations and compliments. The flight to Newark was thankfully peaceful. She stared at the clouds and savored the final moments of her solo vacation. Christine spent a whole week reading on the beach, speaking as little as possible and ignoring all advances. Once or twice, she thought of walking into the surf and drowning, but settled on dreaming of a disfiguring accident.