Press Release
Jones, Bisnett Announce Split
Blogging Duo Go Separate Ways; Vow to Remain Friendly
Chicago, August 22, 2003
After nearly two years together, Phineas X. Jones of nocommercialpotential.net and Shylo Bisnett of useyourhands.com are sad to announce their breakup, effective immediately.
“We realized we were just friends, you know?” said Jones. The pair had been discussing a separation for some time but only recently agreed to part. “Nothing will change,” said Bisnett, “I’ll just live down the street in an apartment with a better stove.”
Although the reasons for the split may be simple, the splitting of communal property proves complicated. Papers will be filed in Cook County Family Court to determine who will receive custody of Lapsang, the couple’s year-old adopted Chinese baby. Fans of the pair will be reassured to learn that their fifth and final album, tentatively entitled Pony Corset, will be released later this year; however, they will not tour to support the effort.
“Really, it’s cool,” insists Bisnett of the parting. “We’re only doing this fake, Onion-y press release thing because tongues will wag in the blogger world otherwise.” Bisnett and Jones agreed to make a public announcement of their separation so as to prevent uncomfortable reader comments. Also, because they are lazy. Jones said, “This way, we tell it once and we’re cool.”
Currently, Jones and Bisnett are sharing the residence on Damen Avenue. Bisnett is actively seeking a sunny one bedroom with new kitchen and deck in Lincoln Square or Ravenswood.
9 comments9 Comments so far
Sorry to hear about the break up, but nice handling of it. Sounds amicable.
My ex and I once sent out a press release like this to all our friends and a mailing list, just to avoid having to explain it 20-thousand times. Cheers for laziness.
Bystanders were surprised by the unusual amounts of blood…
Well, they’ve split, but I hear they’ve still been throwing wild parties. With Chinese bondage devices!
I heard about that party, I think. Wasn’t there some sort of scuffle over somebody’s Chinese boyfriend?
Yes, Weeza. And for another announcement: I am dating the Chinese boyfriend in the orange turtleneck. Va-voom!
I’m glad the two of you have resolved to a friends situation, and that you’ve decided to stay around, Shylo. And kudos on the gig, too! Drinks are on me soon enough.
I still can’t get out of my Chinese torture device.
Naz, “Chinese Torture Device” is a good emo band name. Short-list it should you ever leave DC.
good luck on the apartment hunt! lincoln square is such a great neighborhood (and, much closer to logan / humboldt!!), i hope you find your spot.