u s e y o u r h a n d s

Hands in horrible pain stop Can’t do Missed Connections stop Read these selected ads from a hodgepodge of publications stop

BARN DANCE. TAMMY. We sweated together. You shared a beautiful vision. I remember the gaze! How about coffee? or more dancing? Rick (Austin Chronicle)

I MET YOU at the port-a-potties at Goose Island fest on Saturday night. You asked if you could go ahead of me and I said I was going to time you. Sorry I couldn’t wait for you. I’d like to see you again. (Chicago Reader)

STINKY You: Long hair, loving, having buttsplosions. Me: wishing I could help your digestion. Will we meet again? (Portland Mercury)

DAMIEN JURADO FAN You: Tall gorgeous blonde in red walking South on Alaskan Way w/friend after 8/21 SAM show. Me: long-haired cowboy rushing to ferry. I recommended “I Break Chairs’ Chat? (Seattle Weekly)

MC W/ THE RELEASE of “9 Dead Gay Guys” To the director: when the hell are you going to get that masterpiece released? I’ve been talking a blue streak about it! You wouldn’t believe how many scenarios your film gets jammed into. Besides, I am breathlessly awaiting seeing that hot Irish bull(y)! If you see this (and we both know how much time you spend online playing silly war games), flip me an email. Hope you’re well! -Your East Coast Siren Chauffeur (London Craig’s List)

YOU WERE AT albertsons at scottsdale and thomas – m4w – 34 i was squeezing melons while you were admiring zuccinis. our eyes met. our carts moved closer. yours was full of honey, whipped cream, nestle quick sauce, some cucumbers and a selection of summer sausages. you were admiring my hairy coconuts, daikon radish, bottle of nutella, sour cream and tuna helper. you reached for a banana and i reached to grab a bag to help you wrap it… but there was no more plastic. i went to go find some more, but upon return found only a smoldering cigarette butt and a coupon for handi wipes. if this was you, let’s meet again and maybe i can help load your trunk… (Phoenix Craig’s List)

Help. Hands. Help.