The Golden Birthday
Having a birthday in such close proximity creates weird mental crossover. The holidays bleed together and it’s all one big blur of wine, pie, and more wine. But as today is the big 2-5 and because I had felt so weird about the day, I present a list of what I’d like to say to myself on this, the day of my birth.
Ed. note: jittery from way too much caffeine/excitement today.
1. I am so glad I threw that party. Sometimes, it’s difficult for me to feel competent, but I do throw good parties. No idea why. Not going to analyze it too closely. I like having them, people show up, that’s that.
2. I have a large and lovely group of friends and acquaintances who actually seem to enjoy my company. Why this baffles me, I’m not exactly sure. But I’m so glad. I’m so pleased.
3. I might still be a mess in some areas of my life, but I’m trying. I’m getting better. I have large therapy bills that I do not mind paying.
4. CAUSE NOBODY CAN DO IT LIKE MIX MASTER CAN DO IT. Sorry, that was in my head.
5. I’m developing my own sense of shit. I broke out of the futon/framed print/tv mold and painted the living room pink, slapped up a bunch of pictures of half-nude pin-ups from the ’40s, and bought a very comfy couch. It works. It’s me. And I don’t know if I’d have done that a few years ago. I leave embarrassing books on the shelf when I used to hide them under the bed.
6. Because who I am is becoming slightly more clear and I’m way cool with that.
7. I’m trying to understand that not everyone will/can like me. And that’s fine, because I’m really good at making fun of you behind your back.
8. There’s this weird little domestic chunk of me that wants to be a frilled-out housewife who plans the perfect soiree in high heels and sends the perfect gift. And while that’s way too gag-me Martha, it’s also sort of cute.
9. I’m dating this lovely boy who’s just so right for me in so many ways. And I’m working very hard to keep him. And if you ever saw Brian dance, so would you.
10. That car is almost paid off. And then, fucking flames up the front. Word.
11. I’m just so happy. Thanks again to everyone who came to the party, drank, then made out. You all rocked me, Amadeus and we should do it again. Thanks for making my golden birthday the best yet.
12. And you, Shylo, thanks for sticking it out. There have been times – there have been times. Try harder. Try longer. And remember, there are times when you are so proud of yourself.
7 comments7 Comments so far
Yes, thanks for sticking it out. There are a lot of us who are really glad you did. If if those times come back, let us know and we’ll be there to help you.
MIX MASTER? Rock on.
Even though you had some major doubts about Chicago, it loved you anyway. Honestly, glad you’re sticking around. Its a good thing, says Martha
As I said yesterday, it’s California’s loss. I do envy that Chicago. Its weather can be bitter, but it has grabbed ahold of one of the most intelligent and ebullient souls to skip across this continent. And apparently, she throws a mean make-out party! So kisses to you, sucka-foo’, and thanks for sticking it out.
I’m so glad you stayed in Chicago!
You rock in ways words can’t describe, and I’m happy to know you!
Yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I’m so glad you toughed it out…and it’s a process, but feel free to lean on others if you need it. Yes, that was my cheese moment of the day. But anyways. Yes. Have a grand day-of-Shylo!
I hope your evening was as much fun as it sounds. I wish I could have been there, but this dang kid is just NOT cooperating. Still, the little thang did get you a present.
Weeee! We’re glad you stayed in Chicago.
You go, girl.
Happy Birthday, Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Happy Being You Day.
xo