The Week in Review
Wow. It’s been one hard week. I’ve been terribly, hideously depressed for the first time in a long time. So sad that doing anything at all is just too much. But my ears have begun to pop and I think I’m asending. The surface will break soon.
Last night, we watched a Jell-O pudding commercial with a mother and a son. The son in no way resembles the mother. Not a bit. So as they happily stirred and chilled pudding, I imagined a few ways they could enjoy it later:
1) Snatch ‘n’ Grab
Mom: Your real mommy is dead. I’m your mommy now.
“Son”: Can you take me back to the mall now?
Mom: No, I’m your mommy now.
“Son”: (tears begin to fall)
Mom: And your name is now “Andy.” Eat your pudding.
2) You’re Adopted
Mom: Here, enjoy this bowl of Jell-O brand pudding.
Son: Chocolate!
Mom: Funny thing about chocolate, son, is that it’s sort of like your skin color. And see how Mommy’s skin is like her pudding.
Son: Your pudding is vanilla.
Mom: That’s right. I’m vanilla and you’re chocolate.
Son: We’re both yummy!
Mom: (clutching son with tears glistening) That’s right, baby. It doesn’t matter if we’re not the same; we’re both delicious!
3) Move over, Old Baby
Son: Pudding!
Mom: Here’s a spoon!
Son: Mmmm! Thanks, Mom!
Mom: You’re welcome! Hey, what would you think if a baby joined you, me, and Dad?
Son: No, I think things are fine the way they are.
Mom: Babies are great!
Son: No, this pudding is great!
Mom: Pudding is like babies! They are both good.
Son: Pudding is made out of babies? WHAT?
Mom: Let’s start over….
Have they found Spalding Gray yet?
2 comments2 Comments so far
I can’t stop snickering: “Pudding is made out of babies? WHAT?” Hysterical!
Everyone knows pudding children of all flavors are solid evil.
Shylo, do you remember the Barbie Jello we had?
We need some kind of fecal matter-themed vigil for the Spald. I hope if he decided to hole himself up somewhere and commit the act, that he wrote something about it before he quit life. Give us at least that, S-Gray.