u s e y o u r h a n d s

The tile is down
LIKE THE DOLLAR OF MY HEART
What is next
Is not for ME to decide
But the corporations
The governments
The old, white, men.

That concludes today’s spoken word rant about the kitchen renovation fiasco.

For the past two nights, I have had two different dreams where I am murdered. These have been highly disturbing, not only for their content, but for their Law & Order-like details.

Dream One: Workplace Massacre

A disgruntled former employee is somehow enticed by a group of shadowy revolutionaries to shoot up my office. I narrowly escape being shot and am the sole survivor.

After I’m rescued, I offer to testify against the group on one condition — I can go into the witness protection program. The officer I’m talking with pulls out a video camera and shakes his head. He asks if I recognize him. I say no. He says he’s not a cop, but a criminal just a week out of prison. Then I recognize him as a man who assaulted and attempted to kill me. He draws out a gun and says, “I’m going to kill you four times over.”

How did he find me? The shadowy group of revolutionaries!

Dream Two: Similar, But Not Quite

In this dream, I get a knock at the door and man who recently got out of prison for assaulting me is there. Luckily, I push him out the door again. Before he comes back, to hack me to death, there’s all these weird scenes involving glitter-laden posters for a tranny-fronted rock band, blueberry pancakes, and a Jetsons-esque diner.

In both of these dreams, the part where I’m murdered loops and I try to make the action stop or change, but am unable. It is disturbing. I woke up after last night’s dream to find a cat curled between my knees sleeping so soundly I was convinced she was dead. I petted her hard until she woke up annoyed.

As I came up the walk into the house last night, I played a game where I only stepped on spots with no snow. Brian asked, “Step on a crack, break your mother’s back?” “No,” I said, “Step on the snow and forensic detectives will track the print back to you and tie you to that unsolved murder.”