u s e y o u r h a n d s

I’ll be doing something like this in our friend Gapers Block once a month. Check that shit out.

Note: These aren’t supposed to be all ha-ha. They’re just interesting to me.

One 20 oz bottle of Diet Vanilla Coke

Craigslist:
I have one cold bottle of Diet Vanilla Coke in my fridge. A friend was passing through town and left it. I can’t stand the stuff. I’d be willing to trade it for a 12 oz can of Coca Cola Classic or whatever interesting barter you can come up with.

Gay Porn for sale….some titles $10

I am selling my personal porn collection. Please contact me if you have any interest. slazar1103@sbcglobal.net.

#169 Dirk Yates Private Coll. Dirk Yates
101 Men Part 10 Bel Ami
101 Men Part 1 & 2 Bel Ami
2: The Movie Specialty Publications, LLC
8553 Full Feature Vivid Video
8587 Full Feature Vivid Video
A Lesson Learned All Worlds Video
A World Of Men Kristen Bjorn
After Hours Vivid Video
An American in Prague Bel Ami
Bad Behavior (DVD) Falcon
Barracks Glory Hole #2 All Worlds Video
Bathroom Boners #24 His Video
Beach Buns All Worlds Video
Below the Rim (DVD) Channel 1
Between the sheets Vivid Video
Beverly Hills Hustlers
Boys of the Bastille High Octane
Boys of Company F His Video
Brother to Brother All Worlds Video
Brothers in Arms All Worlds Video
Brothers and other fantasies All World Video
Call of the Wild Kristen Bjorn
Channel 1 Collection Channel 1
Cherries Bel Ami
Class Reunion Laguna Pacific
Comrades in Arms Kristen Bjorn
Convictions Part 2 Falcon/Jocks
Convictions Part 1 Falcon/Jocks
Coverboys Bel Ami
Crew (DVD) Falcon/Mustang
Dawsons Crack All Worlds Video
Deception Part 2 Falcon/Jocks
Deception Part 1 Falcon/Jocks
Delta Delta Delta Hollywood Sales
Detention (DVD) Channel 1
Diary of a Wild Summer
Diggin Deep All Worlds Video
Double Czech All Worlds Video International
Double Feature All Worlds Video
Down Austin Lane All Worlds Video
Dr. Jerkoff and Mr. Hard Big Video
Dream Team Studio 2000
Everyday is the Fourth of July International Studios
Fever Falcon
Finish Me Off (DVD) Channel 1
First Time Tryers #18 All Worlds Video
Flings Bel Ami
Frat House Memories Laguna Pacific
French Connections Part 2 Falcon
French Connections Part 1 Falcon
Frisky Summer 2 Bel Ami
Frisky Summer 3 Bel Ami
Fullfilled (DVD) Falcon
Getting Straight (DVD) Studio 2000
Handsome Drifters
Hard Candy All Worlds Video
Hard Cock Jocks All Worlds Video
Hard to Hold Falcon/Jocks
Hazed Falcon/Jocks
Hooked Falcon/Jocks
Hot On His Tail
How to Excite you Gay Lover Stallion Video
Hungary For Men Kristen Bjorn
Idle Pleasures
Idol in the Sky Men of Odyssey
Idol Worship His Video
Idol Country His Video
In the Can (DVD) Channel 1
Jarhead All Worlds Video
Joes Big Adventure Jaguar
Lucky Lukas Bel Ami
Lukas Story 1 Bel Ami
Lukas Story 2 Bel Ami
Lukas Story 3 Bel Ami
Man Sized (Eastern European)
Mantasy Island All Worlds Video
ManWatcher Kristen Bjorn
Maximum Cruise Falcon/Jocks
Mercury Rising Falcon
Montreal Men Kristen Bjorn
Muscle Heatwave Vista Video
Muscle Men #5 Stallion Video
Muscles in Paradise Vista Video
My New Stepbrother All Worlds Video
Naughty & Nice All Worlds Video
No Way Out Falcon
Oral Exams (DVD) Channel 1
Our Trespasses All Worlds Video
Out at Last 4 Bazaar (DVD) Bel Ami
Out at Last 3 Cocktails (DVD) Bel Ami
Out of Athens Part 2 (DVD) Falcon
Out of Athens Part 1 (DVD) Falcon
Personal Trainers 1 Bel Ami
Personal Trainers 2 Bel Ami
Personal Trainers 3 Bel Ami
Personal Trainers 4 Bel Ami
Personal Trainers 5 Bel Ami
Picture Perfect Vivid Video
Playing with Power His Video
Rapture Part 1 All Worlds Video
Rapture Part 2 All Worlds Video
Read Bi All All Worlds Video
Ready for More Falcon
Relax the Muscle, Please Angry Young Man
Resurrection (DVD) Channel 1
Revved Up (Eastern European)
Ripped Pleasure Productions
River Patrol Titan Media
S.W.M All Worlds Video
Sack Lunch #2
Said and Done All Worlds Video
Season�s Greetings 2000 All Worlds Video
Show me the money All Worlds Video
Soccer Fuckers All Worlds Video
Soccrjock boi #1
SoccrJockBoi #2 Soccrjockboi.com
SoccrJockBoi #3 Soccrjockboi.com
Something Very BIG Odyssey Men Video
Souvenirs Bel Ami
Special Delivery His Video
Spiked All Worlds Video
Sprung Falcon/Jocks
Starting Young (DVD) Channel 1
Steal the Night Falcon/Jocks
Stroke Falcon
Summer Camp Bel Ami
Sweet In The Bootie His Video
Swim Team Prowler Press (British)
Swim Meat (DVD) High Octane
Take One For the Team (DVD) Channel 1
Taken Down Under Falcon/Jocks
Taking Orders (DVD) All Worlds Video
Team Play Bel Ami
The English Student Bel Ami
The Jan Dvorak Story William Higgins
The Crush (DVD) Falcon
The Anchor Hotel Kristen Bjorn
The Pledgemasters Falcon
The Coaches Boys Falcon/Mustang
The HitchHicker Studio 2000
The Fresh Men Vizuns Video
The Freshman Falcon
The Other Side of Aspen Falcon
Their Cups Runneth Over Angry Young Man
Thick as Thieves (DVD) Kristen Bjorn
Thrusted (DVD) Falcon/jocks
Tony Paradox Pictures
Top Secret Men of Odyssey
Two Brothers A Savage night All Worlds Video
Under Fire Falcon International
Up Close Falcon
Vengeance (DVD) Lucas Entertainment
Waterworks Falcon/Mustang
Weekend Pass All Worlds Video
Why Marines Don�t Kiss All World Video
Wild Ride Falcon International
X-Press Mail All Worlds Video
XXL All Worlds International
Young Americans Vivid Video
Young & Hung William Higgins

hey, thanks for getting me high! - w4m

to the two cuties i met on the train last night:

that was some of the best smoke i’ve had in ages. you were both pretty fucked up, but so was i. wish i had gotten your name so i could return the favor…but maybe i’ll run into you around town, we live pretty close. hope you had a good time at boulevard after our meeting.

thanks for the offer, thanks for the smoke, thanks for the good energy - you rule!

love, the chick with the nose ring

xoxoxoxox

TWO GREAT DADS Looking to provide a dream life for a baby. Cozy home filled w/love and laughter. Grandparents, aunts, uncles & cousins waiting to welcome new family member. Expenses paid. Would love to talk w/you. CALL NOAH & STEVE 1-866-224-9195, PIN#1035

BARTENDERS WANTED FOR new Irish bar on northwest side of Chicago. Fax resume to 773-283-8031.

POOP.

FREE TO GOOD home. 7′ Colorado spruce tree growing in our backyard (5200N-2400W). Replace the dirt. 773-728-6260, Jim.

1 CT. TOTAL LADIES WHITE GOLD Engagement Ring, Brand New! $400 Neg. 773-667-1316

BE MY PIG. WM 44, attractive, decent, some personality, seeks nice, skanky slut with plump round ass (age/ race open) to wine/ dine and worship with my tongue, mouth, toys, in long-term relationship. Also enjoy dinner, movies, conversation, boating, biking. Have the place, the car, the time. Very accomodating.

TATTOO PARTY PEOPLE, we are the people you see at the summert festivals. We can do your party and friends. We bring unique fun direct to you. Graduations, bar and bats, birthdays, corporate, etc. 847-297-3868.

I was talking with Wendy today about the goose nesting at her office. She mentioned that it hisses at passersby. And this tidbit, like Proust’s madelines, triggered a very special childhood memory full of feathers and lies.

Until I was 12, my family lived in this tiny hamlet in Central California. And because it was in the middle of fucking nowhere, we often had various animal interlopers use our place as a crash pad. One year, a Canada goose decided our pad was for her. She adopted our front yard as her own. My father named her Claudia.

Theirs was a strange affair. Claudia loved my father, but hated the rest of the family. She would chase us, hissing, snapping, and flapping, and turn her attention to our patriarch. And he loved it. Claudia let my father pick her up and stroke her feathers. In turn, she’d nuzzle his neck. This creepy bird-pornish situation made us kids uncomfortable, but it drove my mother crazy with jealousy.

And then Claudia disappeared.

My father missed his pet. My mother had always been vocal about her dislike for Claudia, so much so that my father accused her of killing the goose. “You just couldn’t stand it, could you?” he screamed at her. And I felt for him, but the rest of us were glad that biting shit-factory of a bird had beaten a trail for Splitsville.

But I think my brothers and I thought my dad was right. And although I will never ask her, I’m pretty sure she killed the bird or at least had her wacked. How much did it cost to wack the goose? Where did she hand off the money? Or did she do it herself, wringing Claudia’s neck with her bare hands?

And most importantly, where do goose killers go when they die?

Shakeshakeshake. Hear that? shakeshakeshake What’s the sound? It’s pill time, Gs. Is there anything better than taking big giant pills with coffee? Yes, there is. And that’s taking them with wine.

I finished Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. My feelings are mixed. Although it is a wonderful book. it’s left me with this sad feeling. That I’ll never do anything as magnificent. I keep looking for the thing I do perfectly. And so far, I’m not sure that I’ve found it.

Water rings, I don’t really care about. It’s the trivets with their knobby legs and heat seeping through anyway. I can take a lot, but I’m almost at my breaking point with those fucking trivets. My feelings on tablecloths? Lukewarm. Depends on the cloth. Cotton? Sure, no problem, plus it’s washable. Those vinyl pieces of shit? No way. High-class linen? Love it, but it’s a lot of pressure. You watch those wine glasses like a fucking hawk. The best is when the cats jump on me. Their little feet, a slight pressure like a massage. Heavenly.

Rufus Wainwright at Ravinia. I will brave the vast crowds of Chardonnay-gulping white people to hear this little gay genius sing.

Men will not understand, unless you’re some kind of intersexed man-lady with boobies. But most of you aren’t. And if you are, call me. I kind of want to check that out.

Anyway, I dressed this a.m. in a rather stupid, ham-handed [not in the large hands way, but in a clumsy ass way] manner, throwing on an outfit sort of impractical for the day. I thought it was going to be another of the shimmery spring-has-sprung days we’ve been having, so I went with a dress, no tights, and open toe sandals. The dress, I realize at a stop light, makes me look like cleavage central. And who’s to help me realize this but the dude in the car next to mine? I needed to yawn, so I did, arching my arms back over my head and doing this chest-thrusty thing. But it’s my car, and as such, I am invisible in it. Not today! I happen to catch the guy next to me check out said chest-thrustage and blowing me a kiss. Ew, ew, Polish plumber. Ew, ew.

I have never noticed until right now that Polish and polish are the same thing. I am not retarded, I just failed to realize. I now imagine hordes of Poles buffing their way around Europe, like backpacked American college students with new credit cards.

Today is Brian’s birthday. Happy Prime Number, Brian! I kiss you!

Is it possible to be in a moment, and at the same time, look back on it more fondly than you’re experiencing it? I think we all do this at some point. During my desperate high school period, I’d take these incredibly long walks by myself and imagine that the time was really a whole lot better.

At the root of nostalgia is the desire to return home, being homesick, and more generally, being homesick for the past. But during my adolescence, trapped in a home I’d have given anything to leave, I was fueled by nostalgia, but not for the past or for home, but for how I preferred to imagine the present.

I’d listen to 105.9 “The Edge” radio play the Cure, Morrissey, and other highly literate mopey Brit rock and incorporate these songs into my soundtrack of escape. And today, when thinking about the Cure’s “Just Like Heaven,” I remembered this thing I’d do where I’d get to the core emotion of a song, pulling it on like a winter coat, and imagine a far more beautiful life. I’d fall in love, spin wildly, dance in tall grass, frequent art galleries, dress like a debutante, and never feel unhappy again.

Do all kids do this? Does everyone do this at any time? If so, how could we help it when there’s lyrics like this in the world: You / Soft and only / You / Lost and lonely / You / Just like heaven. Yes, most pop songs are all about love, unrequited or otherwise, but this one puts these words to a dizzying back beat that completely simulates the schoolyard memory of a furiously whirling merry-go-round. The best kind of dizzy. And when you’re a kid and reality is fucked up, you’ll trade dizzy any day, even when it makes you sick.

“Show me / Show me / Show me / How you do that trick / The one that makes me scream / She said.” And even today, when I’m in the moment and loving reality as much as I ever have, I still superimpose myself in this song, with my own memories of giggling under the covers and light filtering through the window.

Long before he plunked down on the sofa, Kevin could smell Ben approaching. Kevin kept watching old re-run of SNL without a word to Ben, who sat in his normal position — legs wide apart, with one foot up on the armrest. It drove Kevin nuts, but he had grown to tolerate it. Ben was an asshole, but his dad owned this building and never raised the rent on Kevin, who, ostensibly, was Ben’s best bud.

Fey and Fallon faded to commercial and Bed turned to Kevin and asked, “You ever jerk off so much you get a ring around your dick?”

“The fuck…?” Kevin replied to this noteworthy non sequitur.

“Yeah,” Ben said, pantomiming the masturbatory act, “I noticed it the other day and was all, ‘what the shit is that?’ so I looked it up on Google and it said that it might be too much jerking off.”

Kevin turned back to the TV and stared intently at the dancing scrubbing bubbles and tried to shrug off the grotesque imagery punishing his mind and palate.

“Ya think?” Ben persisted.

“Maybe it’s an STD,” said Kevin.

Ben knocked him in the arm and snorted. “No, seriously. I thought of that, but I don’t think so.”

“Must be hard being celibate, huh?” said Kevin. Ben hadn’t brought home anyone lately — or ever, actually. Which was why Kevin thought of Ben as pussy repellant.

Ben grew silent for a few beats before deciding that he, in fact, did want to continue the conversation. Why, Kevin often wondered, had he been appointed confidante and counselor to this not-so-lovable buffoon? Although most of the time Ben totally annoyed the shit out of Kevin, he couldn’t help remain loyal to Ben because he once had Kevin’s back in a fight. And, plus, the cheap rent.

“So, you don’t have a ring … down there?”

“No, Ben. I don’t.”

Ben shifted around uncomfortably, visibly dismayed at this lack of mutual ringage. “Tyra Banks is still pretty hot, don’t you think?”

“Why? Is it her ring you’re wearing?” Kevin muttered.

“Fucking Tyra Banks.”

When the plane took off, nothing happened. And it was wonderful.

The black, blinding panic that I had grown so accustomed to when flying failed to make an appearance. It really surprised me, but in retrospect, I should have predicted the reprieve. For the first time in five years, I did not cry on a plane.

I was excited to get there. San Francisco remains enchanting. The two times I’ve been back in California since I left have been wary reunions. Like two old lovers, we circleuneasy at first but after three or four glances, remember all the things we miss in each other.

When the plane took off again, I was still fine, full of longing and excitement. And in another two weeks, I’ll do it again.

And from Craig’s List, here’s an opportunity to get rid of that pesky BDSM shit you’ve got littering your home:

BDSM Furniture

We’re looking for a free-standing St. Andrews cross that would fold down for storage when we’re not using it for BDSM play. We’d also be interested in a padded bondage bench.