Archive for May, 2004
More Craig’s List
A Friday grab bag of weird shit out on CL this week:
4,000 beany babys for sale
i have 4,000 beany babys for sale from the macdonalds colection still in
bags extra mint condition call me at 773-307-8057 20cents each o.b.o
my name is freddy, thank you.
Gold Tazmainian Devil Ring – $25
Gold Taz Ring purchased from Zales.
Picture doesn’t do it justice.
$25 or best offer.
One Cigarette for `5 second breakdance
Wanted:
One cigarette.
I’ll pay .70 cents and do a little 15 second dance for you.
I’ll breakdance for 3 cigarettes.
Use Your Vagina
Life is short.
Don’t waste it.
User your vagina as much as possible!
What did the psychiatrist say ………………
……….to the man who walked into his office wearing only Saran wrap underwear?
“Well….I can clearly see your nuts”
Comments are off for this postA “What the Fuck” Craigslist
Cruising craigslist Missed Connections as I do, I sometimes encounter crazy-ass mofos. And today was no exception.
Here’s a highlight:
Proper blonde at Starbucks on Division – m4w
You were the very attractive blonde in the blue business suit by Starbucks on Division on Friday around 12:30. We passed on the sidewalk, I smiled and nodded, you stuck your nose up in the air. I have to find you again. Any woman who is so aware of her attractiveness that she can simply snub a courteous man wanting to pass along happiness through a smile is the woman for me.
I need to find you again so I can grease up my right arm, cram my fist up your tight ass and knock your teeth out. I fantasize about doing things to you that they can only dream about in Iraqi prisons. Our encounter was special to me. Thanks for touching my day like you did. After that, I was so emotionally wrecked that I ran over a dog, and let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. I had to drive up on the curb and scraped the bottom of my car. Almost missed him.
It’s hard to say the effect you had on me. Just keep spreading joy the way you do, and maybe one day you will find your Prince Charming. He will be just the right man to dogfuck you like the bitch you are and then cum in your hair and hopefully your eye, which probably stings. I’ll be looking for you again, so be sure to embrace me again with your charms.
Yours always.
Jeez, man.
Of course cum in the eye stings. Did you even have to guess?
3 commentsEarworm Strikes Again
Doesn’t everyone, from time to time, have the urge to drive their car off a cliff? Even if you’re not suicidal, don’t you just want to take the plunge, Nestea-style, into the ground, or the ocean? Wonder what your hands would do during the fall. Hold the wheel? Flail?
When it hit, Sal felt like those iPod commercials where the posters dance. Or maybe that crazy Bjork video with spontaneously choreographed dances. Anyway, just after he turned the lock that morning, before he hit the sidewalk, the earworm struck.
Sometimes it’s a song, sometimes just a phrase. Yesterday, it was “made in the U.S.A.” But today, it was that “jump motherfucker jump motherfucker jump” song. Sal tried to keep his lips from moving, but the line was infectious. He muttered it under his breath as he stolled to the train stop. His footsteps fell in time to the beat. “jump motherfucker jump motherfucker jump.”
He even kept the beat on the train, tapping his fingers against the support pole. Sal’s lips kept moving and he increased his volume ever-so-slightly. By the third stop, Sal’s words were audible to those immediately around him. And then there was the bouncing.
After the fifth stop, Sal was jumping, singing the words so half his train car could hear. They stared. And then the girl next to him caught the worm. She knew the song and started jumping, too. Then another man, two more women. A girl halfway down the car put down her RedEye and thought it might be one of those flash mob things she’d heard about.
More and more passengers began chanting “jump motherfucker jump motherfucker jump.” Maybe some couldn’t really understand the words, just regurgitating the sounds of the syllables, but they all yelled and jumped hard. The train rollicked.
Sal reached his stop and got out. Gradually, everyone calmed the fuck down.
Wendy and I have a piece about the American Girl store on Gapers. Check it.
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