u s e y o u r h a n d s

Dear Owen Wilson,

You are the object of desire for a many a female member of the hipster intellegentsia. This devoted group quotes your lines from Bottle Rocket, Royal Tenenbaums, and yes, even Zoolander. They wonder why you don’t do more nuanced thrillers like Minus Man.

Oh, Owen, these women don’t care about your nose, disturbing in its imperfection, yet so sexily compelling. They care about your wit, your talent, your Oscar nomination.

And so why, I ask, do you do those horrible Michelob Light ads? Suddently, you are the Yoda of frat boys, dispensing advice about how to get into this one or that one’s pants. Thank you for breaking the hearts of many girls who thought you an acceptable adult celebrity crush.

Feh!

Kate let it drip. The fluid ran across the counter, skiied over the lip, and coursed down the cabinet face. She paused and listened to the drops form a small pool. It sounds like a cat walking in snow, these drops falling together.

She put the knife down.

She put her lips to the fluid and lapped at it like a cat. The first taste of the coconut milk on her tongue made up for all the sticky cleaning ahead.

The name shall be Lavender Sweet.

Platonic: Transcending physical desire and tending toward the purely spiritual or ideal: platonic love.

So, really, platonic has, or should have, nothing to do with fucking. But don’t tell that to those Craig’s Listers in the Strictly Platonic section! To many posters, platonic merely indicates that the road to sex might be long, but it will indeed by traveled.

wanna watch LOTR with me? – m4w – 32

Looking for a cool hippie girl that’s a huge Lord of the Rings fan to watch the movie with. I enjoyed all three movies and think it would be fun to watch it with a gal that reeeeally loves those movies. Not saying this will lead to anything, but I’ll leave the door open.

Yes, hippie girls! Let your patchouli stank waft around this LOTR fan’s home while you play footsie with your Birkenstocks. And, you know, if you want to do it, that’s cool. But who shall bring the weed?

do not read, no matter how tempted!!!!!! – m4w – 27

Hi, I’m very glad your reading this, the mere fact that you don’t always follow directions already entices me anyways, i’m not too new to the internet, nor new to communicating on the…”net”. BUT, i am new to this meeting people on the “net” thing. SO, if your interested in biking, feel free to send me an e-mail, or something. I like theatre (haven’t had time, but am interested in seeing the comedy on shakespeare at navy pier soon), bars/grills/clubs/ salsa , and trying to learn the tango thing (and learning be the key word here). Tangent: Tango is alot harder than the scent of a women scene, but thats just my opinion.
Anyways, i’m somewhere between 6′ – 6′1″, and i love wit (i’m working on some as of this writing . Again, i enjoy a wide variety of things, and am always up for something new (but it doesn’t necessarily have to be new, as long as its new to me, that will more than suffice . I’m also in grad school, -this is getting long-

Yes, it is long, so I will truncate your rambling inane post. Why? Oh, my God. Do you not know how stupid you sound? The “net,” sir? And please tell me where you go to graduate school. I want to know what institution of higher learning accepted your complete lack of punctuation.

I’ve wanted a pink Kitchenaid mixer for some time now. And now, it sits on the brand-new countertop. It is a handsome machine, a creamy pink, like a milkshake.

But more than the mixer, we’ve wanted to get engaged for a while now. It’s something we’ve been talking about for ten of the eleven months we have been together.

I had the mixer, but the ring hadn’t shown up yet. We went to the Sofitel’s Cafe des Architectes and enjoyed a cheese, wine, and fruit sampler. And a nummy dessert. And then I got my ice-pink ring. I picked it out, this J. Lo knockoff ring. It was $15, but it’s lovely and shiny.

But it doesn’t glitter as much as his eyes do when he smiles at me.

See you all next April. This will be some party.

Holy shit! I’m totally getting married.