The Unwittingly Clever Placement of My Desk
I burned my fingerprints off in the fourth grade during a science fair project. I was testing different types of fabrics to see which was the most naturally fire-retardant (wool, it turned out) and — oh, wait. That wasn’t how I burned my fingerprints off at all!
Someone had left a metal pot lid on top of a burner. And the burner was on. I was doing dishes and grabbed the pot lid, whichi fused instantly to the skin on my fingertips. I flung it off and the lid landed on the kitchen linoleum. Knowing that my father would rather have my hands burned than the linoleum, I picked it up again and threw it into the sink. And for a few years after that, my fingerprints were smudgy.
This is around the time that I developed a fascination with the Mafia. I loved anything about the Mob and had a vague idea that I could be a famous female hitman. Hitwoman. And I’m not sure if it is because of this weird childhood fancy or innate paranoia, but to to this day I have a hard time sitting with my back to a door.
And here’s where the title of this blog entry comes into play.
I sit about fifteen feet away from the back door to my office, which is in constant use because it is close to the bathrooms. Every time it is about to be opened from the outside, it makes two preemtive beeps. And I peek out from between my opaque office divider to see who it is. Although it is always one of my twoscore of coworkers. Sometimes they see me peek out. We make eye contact and then look away again. I am reassured.
This is one of the many reasons I enjoy working here. Another is free Diet Coke.
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For a similar reason, I liked the fact that my cube when I worked at 444 N. Michigan (one floor above Slack) was the furthest from the door — meaning that I had the most time to prepare should mafia hitmen come gunning through the office. ‘Cuz that happens all. the. time. in PR firms.
Funny, because when I wanted to be a Mafia hitperson, I often thought about taking out PR offices. Hrm.
You wanted to be a hitperson too? What is it with our family?
i worked in an office that offered free diet coke. i didn’t even drink diet coke before that, but because it was free, i drank gallons of it every day. when i got a new job, it took me months to get over my diet coke addiction.
damn you, diet coke. just for the taste of it.
Oh, Chad, there’s more than just DC. We also have Fresca! And Diet Dr. Pepper! And Diet Sprite! But if you think we’re just about the aspartame, you’re so wrong. We also have single-serving organic milks.