u s e y o u r h a n d s

UseYourHandsBlog (3:19:35 PM): when you die, make your wife have your memorial at the olive garden.

HallandOatsLover (3:19:48 PM): wow

HallandOatsLover (3:20:37 PM): “Joe was like the olive garden. but instead of an unlimited amount of breadsticks, he gave us an unlimited amount of love.”

UseYourHandsBlog (3:21:07 PM): “and smart-assery. and beefs. requiescat in pace, sweet prince.”

HallandOatsLover (3:21:59 PM): “now he’s swimming in the minestrone that is heaven.”

UseYourHandsBlog (3:22:32 PM): “and drinking the fine wine that is the blood of jesus. Joe is probably, right now, drunk on jesus juice.”

HallandOatsLover (3:23:44 PM): “his life was like the layers on this lasagna: saucy and satisfying”

UseYourHandsBlog (3:24:40 PM): “Did you ever hear him play the accordion? It was like velvet. Like this velvety alfredo sauce atop romano-crusted chciken.”

HallandOatsLover (3:25:57 PM): “he and sam went together like Chianti and scampi”

UseYourHandsBlog (3:27:24 PM): “they always wished to visit Tuscany, like the Olive Garden chefs at their summertime Tuscany retreat, where they learn how to make authentic Italian delicacies like Chocolate Volcano Cake and Chicken Fingers.

HallandOatsLover (3:27:31 PM): “this waitress may want to put crushed black pepper on our salads, but there was no need to enhance the salad that was Joe’s life.”

UseYourHandsBlog (4:12:26 PM): “Joe was full of surprises. in that way, hewas similar to our waiter Tyrone who just gave me a hand job in the bathroom for an extra tenner. But different, for Joe was no handjob king. A duke, maybe.”

HallandOatsLover (4:15:32 PM): “…where the fuck is the waiter with our bill, I’m supposed to meet someone at Chili’s for some ‘ritas…that fucking waiter is unattentive ot our needs as Joe was to Sam’s. No wonder she ran off with that yoga instructor…the yoga instructor…who was like…um….this to-go box….”

UseYourHandsBlog (4:16:41 PM): “This penne arrabiatta always gives me the shits. I gotta get out of here. Can we just play “Dust in the Wind” on these recorders and get out of here?”

HallandOatsLover (4:18:03 PM): “…what?…we’re here to talk about Joe?…I know…fine, I gotta take a shit. Joe’s like that shit, in that I’m glad when it’s out of my system.”

UseYourHandsBlog (4:19:50 PM): “Fuck, man, fuck, Joe was a good dude, you know — can I have more Chainti, Mr. Motherfucking hand job? Thanks.
Chickydoodles, I’m going to miss that kid.”

HallandOatsLover (4:20:59 PM): “aaaaah”

HallandOatsLover (4:21:44 PM): “Hey Tony, you got a bread stick I wouldn’t mind covering in sauce.”

UseYourHandsBlog (4:21:48 PM): “burp”