u s e y o u r h a n d s

So, yes, I recently read Celine Dion’s autobiography. I like shitty celeb autobios. Nothing will be better than the Hulk Hogan autobio, mainly because half of the sentences started with “Lemme tell ya, brother.”

But back to Celine! So the story starts out a few years ago, at a time when Celine was fried from constat touring, tanning, and having sex with her grandpa. They were trying to have a baby, without much success. Celine and Rene retire to their Jupiter, FL waterfront estate. And one day, Celine wades out into the ocean. And a manatee comes up to her. And they swim together. And then Celine is overcome with the feelign that she is finally pregnant. Then the magical sea cow swims away.

I’d say something about how Celine’s baby is half man/half manatee, but you already went there, didn’t you?

Seriously, though, I shit you not.