u s e y o u r h a n d s

The fish is flopping around quite regularly now. It’s both reassuring and disconcerting. On the one hand, it’s great to know that Gus is doing okay and at least has enough energy from the small amount of food that I eat on most days. But I must have been incredibly naive not to think that this whole growing-a-person-in-your-tummy thing would not feel weird. Mostly, it’s weird. Often, it’s painful. But it’s not so bad that I have any regrets, even for a moment. I hope that labor will go as well. i could be so lucky.

It’s not the physical sensations of being pregnant that really unsettle me. It’s wondering what kind of parent I’ll be like. And wondering what kind of kid Gus will be. I know I will try. I know I am smart. I know I will ask for help when I need it. That’s more than a lot of people have on their side — and I hope it’s enough.

On a fun note, this story: After we returned from our Christmas movies and Indian food, Brian and I headed to bed early. For some reason, he sang (what he believed to be) the Kay Jewelers theme song, “Every gift begins with Kay.” It’s “Every kiss begins with Kay,” I say. “Gift doesn’t begin with a k. How does that make sense?” He’s always coming out with stuff like this. It’s endearing. He’ll be a great dad.