u s e y o u r h a n d s

We received a really nice baby gift for Gus from a friend the other day. It’s an Ugly Doll named OX, which stands for “Hugs and Kisses.” But something more came in the box than just the toy.

I started to think about me washing OX free of smushy food and puke. The cats trying to steal OX. But the most persistent image is of Gus as a little boy, dragging OX around by his green ears. I don’t have a really good idea of what Gus’ll look like, but I can see this very clearly. And feel it very deeply.

We just crossed the 24-week mark. My OB/GYN told me this is when Gus can survive in case anything happens, which made me feel a little relieved. But if everything goes well, I have four more months to think about Gus and OX, and all the fun we’ll have.