u s e y o u r h a n d s

I had been warned to keep my expectations about early motherhood in check. And i really tried. But I did have this vision of myself as a hippie-ish, breastfeeding-in-public gal. I expected to breastfeed for a year and a half, enjoying both the bond with my kid as well as the free calories.

But it didn’t work out that way. My kid is a crap breastfeeder and I tried everything: lactation consultants, suck training, finger feeders, tube feeding, etc. That experience was heartbreaking, maddening, painful and lonely. I settled on a hospital-grade breastpump, the Medela Symphony, with a backup Pump In Style for long car trips — along with the guidance of a truly fantastic lactation consultant. I have spent literally weeks attached to this thing. At first, a minimum of eight times a day. Now, about four or five. I’ve watched ounces drip down into the bottles. I carefully record the amounts in one journal, and then another.

The amounts have gotten smaller and smaller, from 34 ounces in a day to maybe 12. Soon, there will be less and then none. I will have to give back my rental pump, and unshackle myself permanently. No more tubes, connectors, flanges, membranes to clean, boil, assemble, clean, boil, assemble. I will have to completely count on the ramekins of food I prepare four times a day, the trainer cups full of plant milks that I offer to sustain and grow my child. It will be the first step in a long road toward independence.

I feel alternately burdened by and grateful for the months I’ve spent pumping. I wish I had never needed it, but I’m so grateful to have had the pump. If I wasn’t able to live out my initial vision of being a granola breastfeeder, at least I was able to slog through pain and disappointment to get some small part of it to come true.

This post is being written on my HTC phone with the free Wordpress for Android app. Thank god for it, because there is a 20+ lb sack of potatoes sitting on my thorax.

I was nerdy and gadget-loving before I had Gus, but it’s amped up dramatically since his birth. Hulu and streaming Netflix are my constant companions during the half-hour I spend pumping each day. Various apps keep my head on straight even though I am so, so tired still.

But I think the true proof of my motherhood-induced nerd augmentation is my renewed interest in couponing. I coordinate newspaper, online, manufacturers and store coupons when I shop and then log savings, spending in a Google doc that I got from a mom blog, Money Saving Mom.

Let me tell you about one of my biggest scores yet. At the beginning of he month, Dominick’s had a deal on Cheerios: $1.49 (down from $3.49) when you buy three. They quickly sold out, so I picked up my veru first rain check.

Then I amassed coupons. The max on the rain check was 18 boxes. I had coupons for exactly 18 boxes ranging from .50 to $1.00 per box. So I ended up getting $3.49 boxes for as cheap as .49 and as much as .99. I think the total, with tax, was like $16 or something. In-freaking-sane.

My google doc will register that score forever. And I couldnLt be happier. It feels like a way that I can still contribute even though I don’t have a job.

I am on a mission to save as much as possible. And even more than that, I still want to use tech tools int his new, weird life.