u s e y o u r h a n d s

He’s getting too old to be this mad at.

Lately, people have been cautioning me to “cherish these months” and to “savor each moment because these are the best times.” What the fuck are these people smoking?

Having a pre-walker, -talker with precarious balance and a ravenous appetite is not pleasant. He’s learning how to pinch, has mastered hair pulling. Yes, my child is smiley and genuinely happy and a fairly independent player. But for me, these are not the best of times. He’s still incredibly clingy when I’m really craving my own space. There aren’t a lot of public places where i can take him and let him roam free and this kid likes to explore.

But, really, these are not months I’m going to cherish because I am still so uncomfortable in my new, lumpy body, can’t sleep well, eat terribly, and feel so overwhelmed by managing a baby, a home, a garden, and my volunteer work. I’m tired. I want to be taken care of. And I’m angry that our culture, most people, maybe even myself considers staying at home with your kid to be lazy and not worth recognizing.

Mainly, I’m tired. And still sad. And I will not want to remember this.