u s e y o u r h a n d s

I’ve been cruising the Wanted section of Craig’s List because I’m in the middle of a huge house purge and I like to make people’s day. I cannot, however, fulfill this wish:

Gently Used Dungeon Furniture Needed (Chicago)

I am looking for gently used Dungeon Furniture in like new or good condition. I would like to purcahse up to 20 pieces of furniture such as St Andrews Crosses, Spanking Horses, Kneeling Benches, Bondage Chairs, Bondage Tables, Suspension Frames or Medical Exam Tables.

Please send pics of what you have with prices.

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A Friday grab bag of weird shit out on CL this week:

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4,000 beany babys for sale

i have 4,000 beany babys for sale from the macdonalds colection still in
bags extra mint condition call me at 773-307-8057 20cents each o.b.o
my name is freddy, thank you.

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Gold Tazmainian Devil Ring – $25
Gold Taz Ring purchased from Zales.

Picture doesn’t do it justice.

$25 or best offer.

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One Cigarette for `5 second breakdance
Wanted:
One cigarette.

I’ll pay .70 cents and do a little 15 second dance for you.

I’ll breakdance for 3 cigarettes.

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Use Your Vagina
Life is short.

Don’t waste it.

User your vagina as much as possible!

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What did the psychiatrist say ………………
……….to the man who walked into his office wearing only Saran wrap underwear?

“Well….I can clearly see your nuts”

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Cruising craigslist Missed Connections as I do, I sometimes encounter crazy-ass mofos. And today was no exception.

Here’s a highlight:

Proper blonde at Starbucks on Division – m4w

You were the very attractive blonde in the blue business suit by Starbucks on Division on Friday around 12:30. We passed on the sidewalk, I smiled and nodded, you stuck your nose up in the air. I have to find you again. Any woman who is so aware of her attractiveness that she can simply snub a courteous man wanting to pass along happiness through a smile is the woman for me.

I need to find you again so I can grease up my right arm, cram my fist up your tight ass and knock your teeth out. I fantasize about doing things to you that they can only dream about in Iraqi prisons. Our encounter was special to me. Thanks for touching my day like you did. After that, I was so emotionally wrecked that I ran over a dog, and let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. I had to drive up on the curb and scraped the bottom of my car. Almost missed him.

It’s hard to say the effect you had on me. Just keep spreading joy the way you do, and maybe one day you will find your Prince Charming. He will be just the right man to dogfuck you like the bitch you are and then cum in your hair and hopefully your eye, which probably stings. I’ll be looking for you again, so be sure to embrace me again with your charms.

Yours always.

Jeez, man.

Of course cum in the eye stings. Did you even have to guess?

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