u s e y o u r h a n d s

I will not provide further comment.

A woman picks up her phone and says in a very loud voice. “I’m so sorry, Mary. I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me? Please? All I can say is that it’s in God’s hands. There are three women in Winnebago who just sued for $300 million for what happened to their kids. And what happened to your kids by you not leaving, God wanted that to happen. He meant for it to happen. Can I bring you some tea in the car? Okay, I’ll see you.”

oh, yeah, really quick. i was on the blue line the other day and overheard two neighbors talking with each other about how their building went condo. at some point, one mentioned how he had a friend volunteering in New Orleans. The girl asked, “What, like with the Salvation Army or something.” No, he said. “With the Rainbow Tribe.” ? “They’re, like, ravers who have a soup kitchen down there.”

That’s kind of neat.

Man, I heard TWO awesome things on the Blue Line this evening. These are the days that I’m so glad I haven’t moved to some suburb.

ACT ONE

(Blue Line, near car entrance. Two punky/gothy/ska-y teens stand, talking very loud. The BOY wears a sweatshirt with a patch reading “Rude Boy.” GIRL is wearing a knit beanie.)

BOY: If I had a choice to see Bad Religion or get bit by a zombie, I would choose the zombie.

GIRL: I think I would say zombie, because I can always listen to a CD.

BOY: If I were a zombie, I would be like, the worst zombie ever.

GIRL: The worst zombie ever? You should write a comic about that.

BOY: I would be the worst zombie ever because I’m a vegetarian. And I would be like, “Where are the soy people?”

–scene–

ACT TWO

(Blue Line. Two SKATER BOYS sit to my left. They are dressed in identical garb, bearing Slipknot patches.)

BOY ONE: Dude, look at these.

BOY TWO: What’s that?

BOY ONE: I don’t know, but I’m going to look it up on WebMD.com when I get home.

BOY TWO: Cool.

BOY ONE: I hope it’s ringworm, because that’s like, the coolest name for an infection ever. Ringworm.

– scene –