u s e y o u r h a n d s

Two things I appreciate about my father-in-law: 1) he loves Lady Gaga 2) he howled with laughter at “Bridezillas”.

Yeah, yeah, yeah bitches. You heard mama’s ass right. The middle biatch from “Full House” Stephanie Tanner a.k.a Jodie “I was so addicted to meth that my Army husband divorced my ass” Sweetin is finally hosting “Pants Off, Dance Off” on everybody’s favorite network, FUSE. It’s like MTV for the cool. Anyway, holla at me if you knew that the Sweetin had such a big ol’ rack. A rack my friends, is not what Steffy Tanner had on FH. Maybe she strapped that shit down because the SAGET tried to cop a feel a few too many times. Whatevs. Dave Coulier still is trying to hit it with chicks by flying them to Santa Barbara on his “private” plane. Fuck face.

Anyway, check the Sweetin. Or check “Banzai” on the G4 network. There was something on tonight about “guess which grannie is in porn” and how can you not like that?

OMG MOMENT: How could Heidi Klum kick off Mulan? I loved Mulan’s silly Taiwanese/British antics.

So, you ever go to a party (because you are, indeed, a party person) and as soon as you walk in they door, you’re all “Oh, Shit.” Because, clearly, this party is and will continue to be lame as all get out? Happens to everyone. Which is also why throwing an oh shit party is one of my worst fears.

Anyway, this happened to my boo and I awhile back. In fact, it’s happened a few times recently, which makes me think we’re just entering a lame party phase of life. Too much nesting, not enough debauchery. But the two lamest parties we’ve been to recently have had a few bits in common.

1. Cat pee smell: Yes. Serious, nasty cat pee that I simply could not ignore. Who lives in a cat pee house who is not a shut in? Cat pee is a no-no in the worst way. If you live in a cat pee house, do not invite me to your cat pee party! Especially if you have not taken the trash out in days, either.

2. Dance Dance Revolution. Many of the people I know are in our late twenties to mid thirties. Why DDR? We are not Korean teenagers or fat schoolchildren at PE. No fucking DDR! It makes me pity your neighbors. And pull up your pants, for God’s sake!

And scene.\