u s e y o u r h a n d s

So there’s this weird epithelial ridge in my mouth, right side. Like I slept with my teeth slightly apart, and the skin there squished in. It’s a flap that I like to flip. I worry it constantly. And every day, it gets a little smaller. I want to bite it off.

I also want to bite into a big sandwich with plenty of mayo and mustard. So, guess I’m stuck.

Did you know that it is possible to stretch out the eating one square of a vosges bar to over one hour? It makes you feel incredibly full that way. Also vosges has one bar called the Naga Bar, which I believe, has wasabi in it, which i hate. But when I see this bar at Fox & Obel, I start singing “you’ve got to let that Naga drop!”

Sharif don’t like it.

What if you discovered that the reason you are special is because you can snap out detailed rhythmic patterns on empty Altoids tins? Kind of a let-down, yeah?

i, personally, have not been blessed with this particular gift, though.

So, I just saw this banner ad for Citibank that had the word “THANXIETY” in big letters, with the definition: anxiety about receiving thanks. I would prefer to know what the multisyllabic German word for this feeling is rather than having a fake word written by a McCool copywriter forever emblazoned on my mind, ready to be thunked about while walking in rhythm down a sidewalk.

Thanx – i – et- y.

Thanki – et – y

Tha- xi – ety.