u s e y o u r h a n d s

The man was a visionary. And more will be said about that than I could possibly or poetically muster.

However, I’m getting increasingly frustrated by public- or social media-based hand-wringing over tragedies or high-profile deaths. It’s important to verbalize grief, to not feel alone in the world, but it is so much more important to do something real with those emotions. If Steve is bound for heaven (if you believe in that, which I don’t), your tweets and facebook updates won’t speed his path or soothe the hearts of his three kids, wife and friends.

But what does help is doing something in the world, to advance the legacy of the person you’re mourning or the cause you’re fighting.

- Contribute your old Mac to a charity, school, local park, neighbor kid who doesn’t have one.
- Donate to a teacher’s project on DonorsChoose.org.
- Contribute to an organization that facilitates adoption, for those who choose this path (Steve was an adoptee; the novelist Mona Simpson is his birth sister)
- Contribute to a pancreatic cancer organization such as PCAN or the Lustgarten Foundation. Or Livestrong. Or Gilda’s Club, which supports those in the fight

Anything besides reposting, retweeting or being snarky. None of us escape death. Each death is a moment of reflection on our own life and where we are in it.

I have been training for my first triathlon. I’d intended to start training in February but the pre-school plague left me exhausted and sick for six weeks. I finally started training in earnest in the beginning of April.

It’s been hard to get up at 4:45 several days a week to put on a bathing suit, particularly when I know I’ll be cold all day. The running is even worse. I’m constantly worried that I’ll hurt myself and almost always forget to stretch.

I swam in high school and college. I wasn’t a dedicated athlete and looked for any excuse to cut corners. I’m sure my coaches thought I was a waste of their time. Now, its different. Even though I’m afraid and tentative and slow, I finish hard into the wall and only stop running if I absolutely have to.

I consider this an improvement, but only slightly. I still feel like I’m wasting time and money. But I will reach my goal anyhow.

I hope.

Today was the first morning I managed to get enough sleep to get up at 4:50 to get to the gym by 5am to work out. Usually, I do it mid-morning and if I don’t make it to a gym by 10am, I don’t make it at all. But today, after an hour of bad dreams, I got up and swam a Masters team workout in 40 minutes and made it home before the child awoke.

It’s these small steps, blocked together, that will help me finish a triathlon in June. A therapist once told me that when faced with a challenge, it’s important to clearly visualize oneself completing the task. And the same is true for the garden. All the seeds and the soil-poking and nurturing, only to dream of salsa, salads and jam.